*if production didn’t make bad decisions in Seasons 30–35
The eighteenth season of The Challenge was a dark, dramatic masterpiece. The format pitted proven Champions against haven’t-yet-won Challengers. The inter-relationships between the cast members was compelling, with:
- a Cohutta-Kellyanne-Wes-Johanna-Kenny love pentagon mess
- Veronica vs Katie
- Veronica vs Tonya
- JEKD all together
- Wes reappearing out of nowhere, years removed from his win on the Duel, after telling everyone on the cast he wouldn’t show up.
The first five episodes were peak Challenge mayhem, very riveted-to-your-seat popcorn entertainment. But after Wes and Evelyn were eliminated — the rest of the season went downhill, and fast. Lots of ugly behaviour, multiple disqualifications, a rigged elimination or two, and an extremely predictable (and thus unexciting) ending. The casting of the Challengers team was the main problem for this — what were they thinking, putting people like Casey and Shauvon on a team that was supposed to topple accomplished winners? (Cory Wharton voice) “That’s goofy.”
Fans are often agitating for a Ruins 2, but the limiting factor is always the availability of female champs. It’s hard to fill up a roster of women winners because most of them get the W and then move on with their lives, to get married, have kids, start a career, or what have you.
However, this would be much easier if production didn’t implement so many idiotic twists in recent seasons, particularly in the finals. I go into more detail about this here if you want to check it out (and argue with me), but if MTV and/or Bunim-Murray were slightly more legit, then this would not be an ish.
So I present:
Realistic cast for a Ruins 2, filmed in Autumn 2020
(if production didn’t make bad decisions in Seasons 30–35)
Champions — Women
The first half of the women — the obvious ones that everyone would expect. Cara Maria and Laurel back after a season off, with all the conflict they bring with each other and in general. Our newest champ, Jenny West, and Ashley “Millionaire” Mitchell, on her 11th Challenge appearance in only 4.5 years. Your faves could never.
Then we have the rest of the women, which are some controversial inclusions that I anticipate readers will disagree with.
Dee is a canon champion but she has been cancelled by MTV for posts she made on social media during the recent upsurge in the Black Lives Matter movement. She made light of BLM and implied the only reason she cared was because she first had sex with a Black man. Problematic and tone deaf? Absolutely, 💯, not defending them at all. But vilely racist and the worst thing any Challenge alum has said? Not even close.
MTV decided to scapegoat Dee, a woman of colour, for these tweets but have not kept the same energy for other cast members who have tweeted and/or said worse things on TV, like Bear, Johnny, Jordan, Rogan, Ninja, and Mattie.
Which brings me to Ninja — the only woman to finish the War of the Worlds 1 final but walked away with no championship, no prize money, and she didn’t even get to ride in the helicopter (but the host did). She deserved a W and can easily be cast here. One-winner twists are sh!t.
Tori Deal had an impressive season on War of the Worlds 2, taking out the two strongest British women in eliminations (Georgia and Jenny), turncoating to the UK Team, getting engaged, and generally kicking ass… But then didn’t win the season because of an unnecessary purge during the final. Her teammates Rogan, Dee, and CT won without ever seeing an elimination, but because Tori couldn’t manage one puzzle, she is not a canon champ. Purges during finals are bogus and I’m sick of them. So Tori is cast.
Finally, Coral is an all-timer Challenge personality and proven winner and HBIC. She dropped out of Dirty 30 at the last minute but would have accepted Final Reckoning… Except production refused to pay her enough. So we can cast her here. If funds are tight, save money by not casting $500k appearance fee Bear or as many supervets who will never win (e.g. Jenna, Nany, Leroy).
Alternate
Grenades during finals also aren’t fun, or fair, or fetch. Sylvia & Joss performed shockingly well during Final Reckoning, winning 2 dailies, 2 eliminations, and being the only team to compete in every daily mission. They made the final and ended up snatching second, only 40 seconds away from winning. The FR final gave each team a Grenade, and Joss & Sylv were targeted with half of them. If one tiny thing went differently, Sylvia is a Challenge Champ with $500,000 in prize money — the same as Jenny for Total Madness. Alternate because she’s not the biggest personality.
Champions — Men
More shoo-ins to be cast: recent champs that bring the drama and don’t get along with their team. Clashes between Jordan and Turbo, Zach and Ninja, Rogan and Dee.
Wes is a fan favourite who has drama with Jordan and is also chomping at the bit to redeem himself after an early exit on Total Madness. Plus it’s nice to have a throwback to the Ruins 1 cast.
Joss qualifies for the same reason as Sylvia. He’s a bit dull but a superb competitor and smoking hot. Plus, his bromance with Rogan is adorbs.
Abram has publicly stated he’d return to The Challenge but doesn’t receive calls anymore. So throw him on, especially since his exes Cara and Coral are here. Production is whack for not casting him again to capitalize on more Cara drama, especially with Paulie there.
Similar to Coral, Frank Sweeney was very nearly on a recent season — War of the Worlds 2 in his case — but declined due to pay disputes. He is a drama magnet, queer representation, and juicy villain that backs it up on the playing field… What more could you want in a cast member? Plus, he has pre-existing beef with Jordan and Zach.
Alternate
Johnny Bananas has been on 20 seasons and won 7 times — or 8 if you count Champs vs Stars 1. There’s been rumblings of him retiring after his seventh ring, which I’m not naive enough to believe— but we can at least give him a season off, since he has been on the last twelve consecutive ones.
Challengers
Obviously, the list of people who haven’t won is much longer than those who have. You can pick and choose here, but this is my preference — strong competitors that actually have the potential to win dailies against the Champs. Fresher faces and nice returns of people who haven’t been on in a while, with as many messy inter-relationships as possible.
Men
Team Young Bucks Redux. Nelson had entertaining confessionals throughout Total Madness and fell on the sword for his brother Cory in the most selfless move in Challenge history. Fessy proved to strong as an ox and fast as a rabbit — impressive considering his 6' 5" frame. Since Sylvia/Joss won Final Reckoning in this timeline, without Grenades involved, Hunter still is winless but obviously has proven he can become a champ.
(Cory isn’t on because Taylor just had a bébé)
Paulie — made 2 finals in 3 seasons. Unintentionally hilarious cringe factor. Relationship with Cara and drama with Theo and likely with Abe.
Theo — 2nd place on his first season, won $200k. Drama with Paulie, exes with Kam, friendship with Georgia. If he’s given the go-ahead after a stray champagne cork f*cked up his eye — I can’t wait to see him back.
Jay — hooked up with Dee, took out Asaf and CT in eliminations, and beefed with Rogan before getting medically DQed on TM. Completely deserving of a second chance.
Marlon — won 1 daily, 2 elims, and got 3rd place on his first season. Recently re-entered relevance with a messy stint on Ex on the Peak, where he once again hooked up with both men and women. Has a friendship with Laurel and Jordan.
Brett — should have been the very first Challenge crossover from Big Brother 20, over someone like Swaggy. Ridiculously fit and funny, bringing laughs with “anallice” and his arguments with Rockstar, making it to 6th place on BB20, and being nominated for America’s Favourite Player.
Women
Kam — she has everything it takes to win but hasn’t yet clinched it. Impressive elimination record of 7–2. Drama with Laurel and exes with Theo.
Georgia — another strong competitor who has potential to become a champ. Top-tier confessionals and also an elimination ringer (4–1). Both are coming back after taking TM off.
Kailah — always the center of controversy and can bring it on the battlefield. She didn’t make the final but brought drama in spades on TM. Earned another season and then some.
Big T — the cutest underdog there ever was. Showed a lot of fight in her elimination against Georgia on WotW2 and gave amazing confessionals and boasted a killer social game on TM.
Angela — a sneaky good competitor on FR that shockingly hasn’t been cast again (when her partner, worse in every way, was). Angela brought drama on both seasons of Ex on the Beach she was on and has an on-again-off-again relationship with Nelly. An all-around stellar (and polarizing) cast member.
Kellyanne — a throwback to the Ruins 1 cast. Always a firecracker and strong physical competitor. She’s only been on bad seasons (Island, Ruins, Bloodlines, Rivals 3) and was inexplicably not brought on to replace Sylvia on Vendettas, even though she was an on-site alternate chilling in Mallorca. Deserves another chance. Exes with Wes.
Michaela — the total package and the best choice for our first female Survivor crossover. Opinionated, outspoken, entertaining, great at challenges, and built-in drama with Jay.
Haleigh — beloved competitor and fellow runner-up for America’s Favourite Player on Big Brother 20, along with Brett. Adorable, fun, smart, well-liked. Exes with Fessy.
Format
And to ensure we don’t have another unbalanced team season à la The Ruins 1, Gauntlet 3, and War of the Worlds 2 — the Turncoast Twist reappears here.
What do y’all think?
